Psychedelic

tripping on the absence of substances that contain certain chemicals that interact with the human carbon chemistry and creates chaos and beauty and peace within oneself and with the world.

Oh but I haven't done it in soooo long.

someone's asked me if I should. I want to. But I won't. I know how sentimental I get, and the next time my soul embarks on this voyage, I want my companion to be the one who has always been there for me as much as she can. I love her so dearly and feel no one could ever replace her. Ever. I love her forever and ever.

I'm sober. trust me that I'm sober.

am I love drunk? am I crazy?

I sat on a couch today and watched a movie about two young girls falling madly in love with each other. It was exhilarating. For once, I could connect with the main characters. I always wondered why I was never moved deeply with love stories between a man and woman. This love story between a woman and a woman, however, touched me. I actually had tears in my eyes at the end of the film ("But I'm a Cheerleader")... corny, I know... but all I kept thinking about was how I much I missed her. How much I just wanna be with her.

then... I was no longer sitting on the couch. I was standing. In my living room, in front of the couch. I still had my boh3m3-esque hat on my head, but as I looked down I observed that my work pants and work shirt magically disappeared and were now replaced with my old Marbury high school track shirt and my monkey pajama (read as pa-jaw-ma, not pajama where the 'jam' is like what you put on toast) pants...

she was out again.

My bed. Green binder. Writing? I wrote something. Not I.. her.. she wrote something. Wrote something in a green binder while sitting on my bed... who am I... who is she.. is she me? Am I her?

she needs to stop doing this without warning...

or maybe I need to stop resisting....?